I looked at my face on camera from my last show and saw someone I know but often don't even really look at. As we were setting up, everything that could go wrong did!. The shows subject, overcoming depression. As I looked at my image with no sound I asked myself why am I doing this? We keep trying for over an hour with no audio, I keep looking at my image scared from my burns and age long trials that have all but left me with nothing and alone. As I looked at my purpose, I could only know that I want to give hope to those who labor in the shadow of dark coldness, pure and simple. Some part of me just said "what do you think your doing, look at you!". then these words came pouring into my mind.

To reach, to teach, to touch the precious souls whom our Father has prepared for His message is a monumental task. Success is rarely simple. Generally it is preceded by Tears, Trials, Trust, and Testimony. Monson
“If any brother or sister feels unprepared—even incapable to bless the lives of others, remember this truth: ‘Whom God calls, God qualifies.’ He who notes the sparrow’s fall will not abandon the servant’s need” Monson

When you are on the errand of the lord preforming HIS WILL in any business or relationship, especially that which is most scared, I bear my testimony that it is brought with the most soulful tears and trials, ones that bring the greatest challenge of trust even one to there knees. The holiest is the ONE that inspires our soul.

These are the relationships appointed to teach us Heavenly Fathers heart and Heavenly Mother love for us. We most never draw a circle to block out, it is the demonic lines of hell, but to draw a golden circle to invite those into the saviors arms. One that does not exclude the lonely and lowliness of souls, for that sparrow that falls from the branch is lifted by the masters hand.

To invite into that eternal round, is to lift to eternal exaltation. Those who hearts are humble and contrite will the lord instruct even if that ONE feels that they are not enough, impure, imperfect, a past that might look like one whom that is scared and beaten by life. It is he who the lord will call, and we are not to judge in which way that creative and unusual path may look.
ME written ha! and the lord close quote

The Hike

I went up the alpine loop the last day to do so. Noel drove the car up the canyon, I could see that she was nervious her hands tightly clasped to the steering wheel, they had had a bad landslide the day before that toke out large holes parts of the road. For me each turn brought thoughts of fear to my mind, is there a deer around the corner that might jump out?. Is there another car coming at us?, we are in a car that requires plenty of body over the road. The car was given by my friend Marie, it was a gift badly needed.
The exterior has seen better days, the car has taken down some poles that got in its way, interior looks like a car that children had given plenty of there time in, cute blue murals of blue crayon on the roof of the car, and the infamous milk explosion had made its mark and aroma of a well worn family vehicle, and I know with out a shadow of a doubt that Bear Grylls survival show, could survive on what we all have left behind. a survival food any where from, petrified french fries, to left over crumbs from taco bell, and for dessert left over candy that hardened to the carpet. The car gets seven miles to a gallon so a trip like this was a real treat for a Sunday drive, we have learned to drive with the back windows open so that fresh air cleans up whats left.
Nate my big man in the back sure will have a good understanding of women poor guy, he has all of us telling him how things are. Its really big of him to be willing to take he back seat, honestly I don't know how he does it.
We reached the top of the mountain were we got out to look over the view of both sides of the valley. Noell and I had brought our coats and of course Nate had not. He grabbed a sheet from the back of the car to put across his shoulders. As we walked to a small incline the bare white trees of the aspens and the few green cypress trees lined a small path. The birds had all flown south from the cold winter months approaching. The path was black and muddy and steep. Its a small hike but there is a reason I call it butt burner hill. We often think that the goal is in reaching the top so the race began as we began our hike. Both of my kids turned to me and said "OK mom lets go, hurry." Are you kidding! I said, "we just arrived enjoy the view catch your breath", Nate took one quick one "yes mom crisp and cold lets go back". I could see there resistance. I went off the path to the very top were the trees seemed sheared off half way, most had been hit by lighting. I couldn't help but note that those that stand at the top take the hardest beating. What surprised me the most was the grass that had been pressed down by the many deer that found safety just at the edge of these trees.
The kids keep pulling at me "let's go" , I said do you mind if we sing a song they gave me that look like, "ah yeh right you can but I'm not", I then sang "As I Have Loved Love one Another". The silence became thick, the echo of my voice seemed to carry. When I stopped my children seemed so reverenced by the quite peace that could be felt in the air. The orange hues kissed the tops of the mountains and a full white moon rising just at the crest of the eastern sky. The spirit seemed to beacon to all our hearts, Pray. I simply said lets do it, and as each words were spoken the warmth and sweet feeling seemed to surrounded us. Tones echoed through every tree, among the branches at the words of AMEN, came the a small sound of a singular bird. I know that there is a message, one that will linger in my heart this week. Carried on the wings of a tiny bird. What was the song that he was sharing, what was he trying to tell us?
A moment I will not forget. My son spoke as we walked back to the car, of the dream he had just a few weeks before, that the day would come when many would flee to this canyon, the men who would protect those who had made it there would be called the Wastch Mormon Miltia. He saw letter sewed on to the boys shoulders. WWM.